Retail Distribution Review - RDR

Dear IFA,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, the FSA has decided to implement a scheme to put IFAs of 30 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aging People Early).Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the FSA to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help after Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programmed (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by FSA.Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

The FSA has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives IFAs.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your FSA supervisor.

They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.